Hello everyone!
I know it's been, what, 9 months?? Some of you could have conceived, carried, and birthed a child during that time. If that's the case, congrats on your new bundle of joy!! Also, I empathize with your lack of sleep.
I realize I completely dropped the ball on this blog, and to those who waited with bated breath for a new posting, I sincerely apologize. It's been quite the year, which I hope to make apparent in this post. My Fall semester, and Spring semester now that I think of it, were so swamped that I had to keep 3 different calendars so I knew what was going on at all times. On the rare occasion that I did have an afternoon off, my paranoia kicked in -- There has to be something I'm forgetting to do. What is this "free time"? What am I missing??? As I sit here at home on summer vacation, those thoughts still cross my mind. Let's get real, people....we should always be doing something. Boredom is as avoidable as it is detrimental to living.
This post may become a little lengthy, but I promise it will relate to the title of this post. Speaking of, I should probably explain it. Now, I hate to disappoint anyone who was hoping this would be some kind of Hamlet mockery (because that would actually be cool), but unfortunately it's not. This post is for all of you who are facing the scary reality of coming to the realization that the direction you thought you wanted to head in life actually needs to change it's course. For some of you, that change in direction may be just a slight bend in the road, where others may need to make a complete U-turn. Let me tell you, I know exactly how terrifying this decision can be. But I'm here to inform you that conquering this challenge is one of the most relieving and exciting moments you'll ever experience. I'll share with you one of my realizations that truly changed my life for the better, and I hope you can learn from it.
For the past 6 years, there was nothing I wanted more than to go into law enforcement. I wanted it all: the gun, the badge, the adrenaline rushes, breaking down doors, etc. People thought I was crazy. "Why would you want to put yourself in danger, and deal with the scum of the earth? Why don't you leave that to the men, and use your intelligence to become a doctor or something that actually makes money?" Believe it or not, these questions only pushed me more towards law enforcement. I had several replies to this line of questioning:
1. If we left it to the men, and they all perished in some freak accident that only killed males, then who would be left to protect the community?
2. Because it's fun!!
3. I don't care if I'm not making that much money, as long as I'm doing something that I'm passionate about and waking up excited to go to work.
4. Because every day will be something new and I'll never have to worry about being bored.
5. Don't you want someone who actually wants to protect and serve your community on the force, instead of some grumpy cop who just does it for a paycheck?
I was so excited to be pursuing a career in law enforcement and so attached to the idea of being a cop and ridding the streets of crime that I didn't realize it might not be right for me. Growing up, I had so much anger towards anything illegal, all I wanted to do was put jerks behind bars and stand up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves. Naturally, I thought being a cop would allow me to do just that. Around January, maybe even a little before, I began to get nervous. Many people had told me over the years that my personality didn't really match a cop: I'm too "sweet" and "don't have that super authoritative demeanor". Over the last year, I began to really observe that of myself as well. Yes, I love helping others and I'm really passionate about justice, but did I really have it in me to put on a stern face and make hardened criminals see me as an authoritative figure? I was so stubborn and attached to my gun-wielding, door-kicking dream that I refused to face the realization that maybe I wasn't choosing the career that would allow my personality to shine through and best use my skills. But I continued on, chasing the dream that was slowly getting farther and farther from my future reality. At the same time, I had no other alternatives of what I wanted to pursue that involved my passions/skills, and my Criminal Justice degree. Even if I didn't go into law enforcement, I knew that I still wanted to work with the criminal justice system to protect the community in some other way. However, I didn't want to think about changing my dream, so I held on as tight as possible. I ignored the signs and the self-doubts. The seed was still planted, though, and the thoughts still came: What if they're right? Is this really what I want to do?
In the middle of January, right at the start of my Spring semester, I was approached by one of my professors, who's also a lieutenant at the police department in town. He asked if I had applied for the Community Service Officer position for the PD, and I admitted that I had not. I didn't really know much about it, and since I was only a Sophomore I figured that many of the upperclassmen would have gotten first priority. He encouraged me to apply, and thought I'd be really good at it. So I did; I applied for the CSO position, if only to have the learning experience of what I was told was going to be an intense interview. It turns out, I was accepted for the internship position, where I would work 60 hours for 1 school credit, and I didn't even need to do the scary interview. I was ecstatic!! As some of you may know, I am obsessed with the television show Once Upon A Time. When I started working as a CSO, a dear friend of mine told me that I was well on my way to embracing the Emma Swan in me. If you don't get that reference, I feel really bad for you, and you're really missing out on some greatness. Anyways, I would be working in a police station alongside police officers, and getting my foot in the door for my future career. If I liked it, I could work the next two years there, and over the summers. When I graduated, I could apply to become a police officer and they would pay for me to go to the Police Academy. It was so fantastic!! I learned the 10-codes so I could communicate with dispatch on the radios; I wrote parking tickets; I was assigned some theft cases if there was no suspect involved; and performed various other tasks assigned to us so that the officers could make more important assignments their priority.
At first, I really loved it. It was so exciting to be listening to the radio and driving around in the CSO truck, performing the duties we were asked to do. The more I did it, however, the more it began to sink in that maybe this wasn't something I could do every day. There wasn't anything in specific that really stood out to me that helped me come to that conclusion, just an indescribable feeling that I began to develop. While I still put forth my 100% when I worked, I was less and less excited to go to work each day. Don't get me wrong, I loved working there and I worked with some really great people. I had a lot of fun and really enjoyed my experience as a CSO. But once I realized that law enforcement wasn't really the best future for me, I was ready to explore new opportunities.
When I initially started having my doubts, I did not want to give anyone who told me that I would change my mind about law enforcement the satisfaction of being right. Don't judge -- I'm a stubborn person, through and through. It's gotten me this far in life :) But that stubbornness was the reason I kept all my doubts and second-thoughts to myself. After all, I had no definitive reason behind the sudden change besides a feeling I couldn't even describe to myself. I also had no alternative to fall back on, besides knowing I wanted to do something with community outreach. I want to work more hand-in-hand with the community to spread awareness and prevent the crime before it even happened. I want to make more of an impact on a victim, or even stop someone from being victimized, than a cop might. So, like any college student looking for answers, I went to some of my professors. I told them what I was thinking, and asked if they knew of any jobs or organizations that did just that. Between their responses, and good ol' Google, I came to the conclusion that I may be interested in prevention education. Prevention educators go to schools, businesses, community centers, etc. to give presentations or hold workshops that spread awareness and encourage action in preventing crime. Their presentations and topics depend on what organization or program they work for, and each presentation is tailored to the audience receiving it. For example, prevention educators may educate the community on human trafficking, sexual assault, alcohol and drugs, unhealthy relationships and domestic violence, etc. Prevention educators have a passion for working with the community, with people of all ages and backgrounds, to help them avoid victimization, how to respond to a situation if it does occur, and provide them with information on programs and services that are available to those who need assistance. It sounded perfect.
I decided it was probably time to start telling people about my changed dream. I first told a few of my friends, and they were shocked. I talked about being a cop all the time, so why the sudden change of heart?? Note to self: when making future life-changing decisions, don't keep the thought process in the brain. Because when you start telling people, they will think it's a bipolar decision that you are rashly making. However, this was anything but a rash decision. My stubbornness kept me from talking about it, but I had been thinking about it for months. I did research, made pros and cons lists, and was kept up at night just thinking about it. Once I explained my whole process, they understood. The next person I had to tell was my family. I was nervous that my mom would be upset that I spent 2 years pursuing law enforcement, and that there was a possibility I would have to take summer and winter classes (which meant more money we don't have) in order to get the proper education I would need for this kind of career. But the conversation went a little like this:
"Hey Mom, can you remind me when I'm home for Spring Break next week that I need to talk to you about something?"
"What kind of something?"
"My future."
"Well, what about your future?"
"Um, well, I kinda don't really want to be a cop anymore......."
"Really?!? Yay!!!"
So that went better than expected.
With this new realization came the next fear: was my degree and experience sufficient enough for this kind of career? Would I need some kind of psychology or social work background instead of criminal justice? Let's face it, I do not have the money to spend an additional two years at school because I changed my major half-way through my college career. So, I did additional research. I decided it was time to contact a prevention educator and ask them for myself. There is a wonderful program through Agnesian Hospital called ASTOP, a sexual abuse center. They provide a variety of services to victims of sexual abuse and their families, and I have volunteered there a few times over the year. Their mission and values are truly inspiring, and they have made a huge impact in the community. I knew they had an awareness program and a prevention educator, so I e-mailed her and asked if I could meet with her to get some more information about prevention education and what a day in the life looked like. Courtney was thrilled I was interested in finding out more, and asked if I would want to job shadow her at two of her presentations. I readily agreed, and couldn't wait. I saw her give presentations to middle-schoolers over the course of a week. The first was a presentation on cyber bullying and sexting to a group of 7th graders, and the second was given to 6th graders about sexual assault. Having been in a catholic school since Kindergarten, I couldn't imagine how the latter presentation would be given, and I was truly amazed at how well she got the students to be engaged in the discussion. I also talked with Courtney for about an hour to ask her any questions I had about prevention education and how to pursue that kind of work. The biggest question I had was about my education, and she told me was that my Criminal Justice degree would be sufficient for this kind of work. It does depend on the individual organization as to what kind of background they work for, but she assured me that some kind of human services background would be just fine. To cover my bases, though, I added a psychology minor. So now, I'll be graduating with a Criminal Justice major, a Cultural, Media and Gender Studies minor, and a Psych minor. Shadowing Courtney was a fantastic experience, and it really reinforced my decision to veer away from law enforcement and towards something like this.
I know that was kind of a long story, but I really did try to give you the cliff-notes version. Now, I know everyone reading this won't be going through the same decision making process --to be a cop, or nah? (Get the title now??) So I'll leave you some points that can hopefully help you out if you're going through a similar process.
1. Thinking about changing your major, or your career, or the dreams of your future is 110% OKAY! You do not want to be stuck doing something that you dislike for the rest of your life. At any point in your life, you can say to yourself "hey, this really isn't making me happy" and change it. I think this would be one of the few appropriate times to say YOLO, because you have one life, and you don't want to waste it being unhappy.
2. Just like your parents tell you when you are eating, you have to try something before you know whether or not you like it. For me, it turned out that law enforcement wasn't for me. Unlike eating broccoli, I went into the CSO position thinking that I would love it. I did enjoy it, but it made me realize that it's really not for me.
3. You're going to have a lot of mixed reactions from people around you. Here's a couple I had: "I'm glad you finally came to your senses." "Really?! But I was rooting for you!" "You would have made a great cop, but it would have been a waste of your talents. I'm happy you figured this out for yourself." "I told you so." Etc. etc. Some reactions were encouraging, others not so much. But this was expected. The biggest thing to remember is that everyone is going to have their own opinion, but only you know what's going to make you happy. It's your life, so that's who's in charge of making the decisions.
4. To follow that previous point, sometimes we make the wrong decisions. We're human, we make mistakes. We also change, and a lot of times it's for the better. What we have to realize and accept is this: as we grow and change, we develop new interests. We find new things we enjoy, and get rid of what we don't. Our entire lives are a process of transformation; out with the old and in with the new. Sometimes, the new stuff isn't quite what we expected it to be, so we have to revise our plans once again and change course. This is all part of our journey, and it makes life exciting and unpredictable.
5. When planning out your future, don't make a set destination. Leave it open-ended, and allow for road blocks along the way. Most importantly, don't take directions from life's GPS. They tend to be extremely biased and don't allow for error or change. You don't want to go through your life with a little, persistent, demanding voice saying "Recalculating! Recalculating! Make the next legal U-turn!" That would be incredibly annoying. You're the one behind the wheel, directing your life in whatever direction you choose. If you want to go left, go left. If you want to go right, then you better go right. You'll end up exactly where you need to be, and the journey will hold all the excitement. Life's one big adventure, and I bet you've never read an adventure book that starts off with the hero planning out his/her own story line (twists included).
These are just a few tips that I hope you can take away from this incredibly long post. If you made it this far, you're awesome. Thanks for reading! Speaking of reading, that's how I've decided to live out the rest of my life. Well, not reading all the time, although that would be lovely, but as if I'm writing my very own book. I don't know how it's going to end, or what the next chapter is going to be, or even what's on the next page. It's not a book that you can cheat by reading the last sentence; each second is a new word, each day a new page, each life stage a new chapter. It's your own personal novel where the plot it completely in your own hands. Better yet, you don't have to worry about critics. The only one that matters is YOU. And the beauty of it all, the real treasure, is that you have the power to change it if you're not happy with it. So please, I beg of you, don't get bored and put down this book. And for heaven's sake, DO NOT use Spark Notes. You'll miss out on so much.
Your buddy,
Jackie
